Awk-ward

Mama always told me that being polite was about making others feel welcome & comfortable.  Daddie always said having good manners showed others you have respect for them & their time.  I've been thinking about both of these perspectives a lot lately & wondering what other roles etiquette plays in our lives.  How & why we choose to either follow the social contract with others...or not...& how those choices impact our path.  I have to say...it's been a pretty interesting internal conversation.

Let's face it...being polite is, in large part, about avoiding awkwardness.  Of course, it is something that cannot be avoided...we all experience it...daily for some...but I digress. Some of us can step in a big ol' pile of awkward only to shrug it off with little to no effort.  No need to get all worked up about it...sh*t happens. I am not of that sort.  Having not yet cultivated that particular skill....I do not handle awkward well.

~apparently this is not optional~

For example:  A while back a delightful stranger was making small talk with me at a party, asking if I was enjoying the summer.  My response..."I've experienced a paradigm shift & I've been focusing most of my energy on not completely flipping out." I'm paraphrasing here...but you get my point.  I immediately laughed trying to down playing the frankness of what I had just revealed & looked for an out.  Just in time, Juancho (my pup), became the culprit in a fictitious situation that needed  my prompt attention.  Shameless, I know...I'm not proud of it....but there it is.

Spoiler alert...that exchange was just the first...in a line of many...they just kept rollin' in...endlessly...like an ocean of awkward.  The universe has decidedly plopped me down into an awkward zone & so I have decided to take this opportunity to just go with it...which is exactly NOT what I've always done. Instead of getting bogged down in the uncomfortable messiness of it all...I've jumped into the fire with a little experiment in shifting my own internal paradigm.

~why the hell not?~

Observations thus far.

1. An audience of some kind is typically present to witness our episodes of epic gracelessness...them being strangers doesn't seem to lessen the degree of discomfort...in my experience
2. Sometimes we are the only victim of our awkwardness...again, this has not been my experience.
3. My friends are endlessly entertained by my tails of the awkward...thanks schadenfreude (taking joy in the discomfort of others)

Merriam-Webster defines awkward as not graceful, difficult to deal with or handle, causing embarrassment. Yup...nailed it...perfect description of what's been going on the last few months...no doubt about that.  It has been a bumpy ride...& there have been casualties...mostly my pride, ego & vanity so....no great losses there.  But there has been something in all of this that was unexpected...the great beauty, vulnerability & liberation that has come with embracing the awkward.  True, the blundering moments can be heartbreaking, infuriating or hilarious...but trying to avoid, contain or control life's awkwardness means missing out on some pretty amazing experiences...so I've stopped trying to mitigate the awkward...instead I'm just riding the wave...in all it's glory.

~i'm counting on it!~