Don't let the tears fool you...

Dusk in Guatemala

Last night I was walking home with Kenny, one of Long Way Home's fearless board members, and we were chatting away about work stuff when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, grabbed my arm and asked, "Can we just take a moment?"  We both got very quiet, looked around and inhaled the exquisite beauty that was surrounding us.  It was dusk, the moon glowing high in the sky, clouds floating by with grace, and the soft music of corn dancing in the evening breeze engulfed us.  I felt calmed...at ease...it was delightful.

Today...not so much.  We have a lot going on right now on-site and the lion's share of our staff is either already out of the country (state-side) or they are getting ready to leave town.  Believe me when I say that I am the number one advocate when it comes to getting our staff some much needed, well-earned, time off...but the timing of this is less than ideal....especially for me.  In the coming week we will be hosting a group of high school students, a German TV crew, and a group of engineers!  The only staffers in sight over the weekend of the mass descent will be me and our amazing construction manager, Adam.  

I am a little nervous (and overwhelmed) by all of this because our volunteer coordinator, Kristin, is making her trek back home...tomorrow...before all the madness begins...lucky her...and I will be taking on a portion of her responsibilities.  Typically, I'm the woman BEHIND the scenes....not the one front and center...not that I mind playing tour guide and hostess.  The nerve wracking part is that I am still learning...and there is SO much information and stuff that I don't know yet.  I've never been one who has a problem with saying that I don't know something, but I also am very much a people pleaser...and I don't want to let my team down.  

Me & Adam (circa 2010)

As I was sitting at my computer earlier today, Adam (whom I adore), added yet another variable to the already overwhelming equation rolling around in my head and then it happened.  Tears....escaping and I was powerless to stop them.  Now, some of you may not know this about me...I am a crier...unabashedly.  Typically this occurs at opportune moments like during a tearjerker movie/commercial, when tragedy strikes, or if I'm laughing so hard tears spring forth.  However, from time to time, when I am attempting to keep my shit together...something in my autonomic system takes over in order to allow a release of pressure.  It's like my own special version of external liberation resulting from internal restraint.

For me this is a blessing...for others it can be....uncomfortable.  I tend to breeze right past that bit and lean into the space provided to me by this release of energy.  After I've shed a few tears, I am able to take a deep breath, rally, and kick ass...typically :)  Challenges present themselves and in an effort to manage those challenges, my body has found a way to aide me in processing a variety of emotions.  Granted, at times it can be....inconvenient...maybe even a little messy. Nonetheless, I cherish this aspect of me.